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Five types of guys you'll only find in south Delhi: The unsolved mysteries of an inexplicable universe

The league of extremely extraordinary gentlemen (face palm)

Nivi Shrivastava @msjunebug_nivi 11 June 2018, 3:28 PM
Have you met that boy from south Delhi?

Have you met that boy from south Delhi? Illustration: Tapasri Saha

While south Delhi girls get ridiculed all the time, why should boys be left behind? It's only fair that we pay some attention to the boys who reside in the swankiest locations in south Delhi, and are mostly found floating in their own kaleidoscopic bubble.

If you thought south Delhi girls were one-of-a-kind species, then you also need to understand how their male counterparts function IRL. We are talking about a hybrid species of guys, who are the ultimate piece of work crafted by the powers-that-be and definitely blessed with some atypical characteristics. They are sophisticated, educated, covered in brands from top-to-toe and well-groomed quite often, but there's something about them that is inexplicably irritating.

Though we definitely don't mean to stereotype, but if you have ever encountered a typical south Delhi guy there is a high possibility that you would have thought of running for cover sooner than later. Some of them could be inexplicably annoying and dumb (sorry boys, but some of you really need to brush-up geography and common sense in general. FYI, Kerala is not the capital of Chennai).

If you have stayed in Delhi for long, here are the five types of south Delhi guys that you have definitely come across.

1. Bragger

Just as there is no limit to the imagination, when it comes to the bragger boy, there is no limit to self-congratulatory show-offs. From their cars to shoes, watches and gadgets — everything bears an exorbitant price tag that they can't stop boasting of. He only wears Ferragamo, drives a Lambo or Ferrari, eats at Tian, shops at Emporio and holidays out of India. All very nice, except having a conversation with him is like talking to a brick wall. Talk to them for 15 minutes, and you might get a price check on all the latest rides and accessories, which they bought using their papa ka credit card. 

"Wear Ferragamo, ride Ferrari" Illustration: Tapasri Saha

2. Gym Dude

There’s an ultimate kind of gym boy you'll find almost in every part of the Capital, but in south Delhi, they are a much-evolved breed. Warm, friendly, dressed to the nines and so particular about what they are putting in their mouth that it will put any nutritionist to shame. They have all the latest info on the meal supplements for weight loss or weight gain — they will give you extensive gyaan on how to achieve your ideal body weight, even when you don't really want to. They hit the gym for three hours in the morning and in the evening, and spend the rest of time pretty much thinking about gym. Most of them are obsessed with mirrors and leave no chance to show off their abs. You can usually find them in body-hugging tees, sipping protein shakes and taking mirror selfies at Crossfit or Ozone.  

"No carbs, I'm on Keto" Illustration: Tapasri Saha

3. Hello Mr NRI

Most often working in “daddy’s business” with an MBA from foreign shores, the NRI  (read Ka-ne-da returns) kinds are usually the confused Delhi boys who suffer from a never-ending offshore hangover. You can easily identify them when you hear them talking in a strange acquired accent, which sounds so unnatural that you'll end up feeling sorry for them. Some of them even get a cold-shoulder from local guys because they can't stop comparing Delhi to New York or London, or wherever they are coming from. At dinner or brunch, they also make it a point to order the most expensive single malt on the menu and keep repeating “whiskey on the rocks, with some ice please” to the waiter. Because it's normal to assume that Indian bartenders don't understand on the rocks? 

"Yo Dawg, heard about the farmhouse major rager? Whereabouts?" Illustration: Tapasri Saha

4. Delicate Darling

Some Delhi boys take the term metrosexual too seriously, so much so that you'll end up confusing their behaviour for being too awkward. They are the delicate darlings, who often complain about the dirty roads, polluted air, germs and so many poor people in the city. Their best friend is a bottle of Evian mineral water because people who drink tap water can die any minute. Also, they just can't get enough of hand sanitisers and go into panic mode as soon the AC stops working. And if you dare to mention street food to them you'll get the latest statistics on the number of people who died due to E-coli poisoning last month.   

"I'm allergic to tap water, babe. Germs. Eww." Illustration: Tapasri Saha

5. Space Cadet

Although they don't mingle much with outsiders, the 420-friendly guys from south Delhi often have their own set of "friends" who often supply them with choicest pills, powder and drops that the law doesn't approve of. The space cadets from south Delhi are the unearthly aliens that can be found in secret farmhouse raves or in an obscure corner of a club, doing what they do best. They are allergic to logic and have a love-hate relationship with Delhi police. You'll mostly find them rolling a jo or snorting some snow even in board daylight, so don't be too alarmed. 

"Where's Charlie, bro?" Illustration: Tapasri Saha

PS: If you have any clue about how these extra evolved guys still manage to exist on planet earth, do tell us in comments below.  

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