Such swag, much wow Image: Twitter
The Academy Awards turned 90 this year, and like any other 90-year-old, it has no chill about gift bags. But the Oscars is not hoarding the swag — it's giving it out — $100,000 worth of it. The legendary Oscar swag bag, which is given out to all nominees, has generated major curiosity over the years. Everybody wants to know what's in it. And let's just say — it makes the Koffee With Karan hamper look like a dirty, dinge basket.
LA-based niche marketing company Distinctive Assets takes care of the Oscar swag bags, called 'Everyone Wins' Nominee Gift Bags. Because, are you really a loser if you win a gift bag that costs more than your yearly rent? We don't think so. The gift bags are reportedly sent to the 25 nominees in the acting and directing categories, which is why nobody really gets angry if they lose out on an Academy award.
"A great gift has nothing to do with the retail value. For years we have been breaking one of the cardinal rules of gift giving by disclosing the price tag. Instead, we are trying to start a new tradition by simply celebrating the fun and festive nature of this legendary gift bag," Distinctive Assets founder Lash Fary said in a statement, according to a report in Forbes.
So, let's ask the right questions — what is in that bag?
A lifetime supply of breathable foundation
Who even needs an Oscar when your foundation needs are sorted — for life? Not us.
A 12-night luxury trip to Tanzania for two
If you're headed to Tanzania this summer, expect to see a lot of Oscar cred wandering around in breathable foundation.
A 'conflict-free' diamond necklace
Are your diamonds conflict-free? No? Too bad, because the Oscar swag bag has diamonds that are in compliance with the national law and the Kimberley Process Certification Scheme (a process launched in 2003 to stop "conflict diamonds" from entering the mainstream diamond market by the United Nations General Assembly), and hence are free of any conflict. Conflicted diamonds are for people who are not nominated for an Oscar, okay?
Vegan, organic lollipops
Are you into organic lollipops, yet? You should be — who even licks non-organic stuff anymore?
18-minute phobia-relief session
We don't know what it entails exactly, but we need this.
Can you eat your jewellery, yet? You should be able to.
The dating app — available pre-launch
Oscar nominees can make use of the dating app NeverMissed, which is available to them pre-launch. It's an app Hollywood would be very interested in. It basically lets you find strangers who you meet or notice — but don't know anything about. We can already envision the movie based on this app, starring Michael B Jordan and Margot Robbie.
Colour changing lipstick
Is your lipstick just in one shade? How 2017.
Underarm sweat patches
Wait, what? Hollywood sweats?
A 10,000 donation to an animal shelter of their choice
Okay, this is actually nice.
Levitating bluetooth speakers
Okay, fine — you can actually find these on Amazon. And if you think, "Why would I need speakers which levitate?" Well, that's why you're not Hollywood.
Street-side pretzels? No, thank you — we are all about gourmet now.