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12 things in the Oscar swag bag that are so nice, it's just extra

A luxury trip to Tanzania AND gourmet pretzels? C'mon Academy, tone it down

Ujjainee Roy @UjjaineeRoy 5 March 2018, 5:58 PM
Such swag, much wow

Such swag, much wow Image: Twitter

The Academy Awards turned 90 this year, and like any other 90-year-old, it has no chill about gift bags. But the Oscars is not hoarding the swag — it's giving it out — $100,000 worth of it. The legendary Oscar swag bag, which is given out to all nominees, has generated major curiosity over the years. Everybody wants to know what's in it. And let's just say — it makes the Koffee With Karan hamper look like a dirty, dinge basket.

LA-based niche marketing company Distinctive Assets takes care of the Oscar swag bags, called 'Everyone Wins' Nominee Gift Bags. Because, are you really a loser if you win a gift bag that costs more than your yearly rent? We don't think so. The gift bags are reportedly sent to the 25 nominees in the acting and directing categories, which is why nobody really gets angry if they lose out on an Academy award. 

"A great gift has nothing to do with the retail value. For years we have been breaking one of the cardinal rules of gift giving by disclosing the price tag. Instead, we are trying to start a new tradition by simply celebrating the fun and festive nature of this legendary gift bag," Distinctive Assets founder Lash Fary said in a statement, according to a report in Forbes

So, let's ask the right questions — what is in that bag? 

A lifetime supply of breathable foundation

We know, right? (Image: Twitter)

Who even needs an Oscar when your foundation needs are sorted — for life? Not us.

A 12-night luxury trip to Tanzania for two

If you're headed to Tanzania this summer, expect to see a lot of Oscar cred wandering around in breathable foundation.

A 'conflict-free' diamond necklace

Are your diamonds conflict-free? No? Too bad, because the Oscar swag bag has diamonds that are in compliance with the national law and the Kimberley Process Certification Scheme (a process launched in 2003 to stop "conflict diamonds" from entering the mainstream diamond market by the United Nations General Assembly), and hence are free of any conflict. Conflicted diamonds are for people who are not nominated for an Oscar, okay?

Vegan, organic lollipops

Just gonna leave this here (Image: Tumblr)

Are you into organic lollipops, yet? You should be — who even licks non-organic stuff anymore? 

18-minute phobia-relief session

We don't know what it entails exactly, but we need this. 

Edible jewellery

Can you eat your jewellery, yet? You should be able to.

The dating app — available pre-launch

Oscar nominees can make use of the dating app NeverMissed, which is available to them pre-launch. It's an app Hollywood would be very interested in. It basically lets you find strangers who you meet or notice — but don't know anything about. We can already envision the movie based on this app, starring Michael B Jordan and Margot Robbie.

Colour changing lipstick

Is your lipstick just in one shade? How 2017.

Underarm sweat patches

Wait, what? Hollywood sweats?

A 10,000 donation to an animal shelter of their choice

Okay, this is actually nice.

Levitating bluetooth speakers

Bluetooth speakers which levitate

Okay, fine — you can actually find these on Amazon. And if you think, "Why would I need speakers which levitate?" Well, that's why you're not Hollywood.

Gourmet pretzels

Street-side pretzels? No, thank you — we are all about gourmet now.

Read more:

From Gary Oldman, Guillermo Del Toro to Frances McDormand, here are the big winners of Oscars 2018

#OscarsSoBright: The Academy Awards turned 90, and was all about the drama

Shashi Kapoor, Sridevi remembered at Oscars

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