The cast of Race 3 Image: Salman Khan Films
Shiraz Ahmed, take a bow. You've managed the unthinkable. Just when we thought Salman Khan's dialogues couldn't get worse than "Hum tum mein itne chhed karenge ki..." or "Dil mein aata hoon, dimag mein nahi", you've given us gems like "Jis race se mujhe nikalne ki baat kar rahe hai yeh bewaakoof, woh nahin jante, uss race ka Sikandar main hoon." Slow clap!
The trailer of Race 3 is so bad that soon Salman will claim it wasn't him in the film but his driver. It's a mishmash of so many things that you start feeling dizzy. Not that the Race franchise ever gave us a particularly superior cinematic experience, but it had one thing and one thing alone — style. Picture a suave Saif Ali Khan fighting a chiselled John Abraham in his three-piece suit and back-brushed gelled hair, and you'd know what we're talking about.
In Race 3, picture two bare-chested men emerging from the horizon (in which at least one of them is beyond his expiry date) — Salman and the new recruit of his Rozgar Yojna, Bobby Deol — that's actually reminiscent of Dostana. Salman tries with the suit and all, believe us he does, but it just doesn't suit him. (And that's the effect the trailer has had on our grey cells, that pun.)
Yup, Race's suave quotient is gone with Saif. And it's been replaced with this thing called 'family,' an unheard-of concept in Race-dom. "Parivaar ke liye agar kisi ki jaan bhi leni padhe, tab bhi hum peechhe nahin hatenge," says Salman in his Bhaijaan-tone voice, and you're sitting there wondering if you're watching the trailer of Race 3 or you've managed to successfully bug Galaxy Apartment! *mind has been blown*
Jacqueline Fernandez does what she does best — pole dancing and anatomy-defying splits whilst reading out Hindi dialogues like the 9-times tables. She said something but we couldn't understand a word she said because it wasn't Hindi.
Daisy Shah, the Jai Ho girl, has no business being in the film, and we can picture Shiraz Ahmed having a hearty laugh when he gave her the dialogue, "Humare business pe koi nazaar dale wo humein bardaasht nahi. Our business is our business. None of your business." She does this as she inflicts a thigh-high slit on her red dress to make room for the splits as she gets ready to kick bu**s.
The two girls are even allowed a catfight scene, where the two are literally flying at each other as if this was the Broadway show, Cats.
Anil Kapoor, Bobby, Saquib Salem and Freddy Daruwala appear and reappear on the screen like a Facebook Frendversary montage. They have been given dialogues and screen space as per popularity, which means Anil is right in line after Salman and Freddy, the once-upon-a-time supermodel, only gets to point guns, grind his teeth and gaze with his hazel eyes. Pity.
It would be unfair to comment on the music — all they gave us was a background score of the Race theme song. And we already love that song *starts humming Allah Duhai Hai*
Picture Stallone in The Expendables — guns blazing, sweat and blood trickling down the forehead, surrounded by a bunch of other has-beens — and add a dash of Prem Ratan Dhan Payo for family politics, Tiger Zinda Hai for recall value and Remo D'Souza for no reason at all, and you've got yourself Race 3. Mic drop.